


my past is more clay than stone (and i can shape it into nicer forms)

by fiveyaaas



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Writing five as the reluctant family therapist, is my new favorite way to write him, kinda? Idk if this is really that angsty, yes the title is song lyrics i’m SORRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “The faintest of touches would cause electricity to travel up his spine. It was often something he’d do teasingly, laugh it off and move on with the same ease he had with everything else. How he’d ignore the way his eyes always bugged out at him as he did.“[written for Kliego week, day 4]
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Kudos: 15
Collections: Kliego Week 2020





	my past is more clay than stone (and i can shape it into nicer forms)

**Author's Note:**

> I will have the rest of the fics for the week posted just in time for the final day 😭 sorry again for the delay

It was maddening, really. 

The faintest of touches would cause electricity to travel up his spine. It was often something he’d do teasingly, laugh it off and move on with the same ease he had with everything else. How he’d ignore the way his eyes always bugged out at him as he did. 

Then again, Klaus was much more comfortable with himself than Diego. Or at least that was the persona he could throw on as easily as the thrifted clothing he always wore. Truly, he was probably just as self-conscious as himself, but, damn, could he hide it well. 

He’d think of his snide commentary, his frequently mocking tone, the way his lips would curl up as words spilled from his lips. It would pop up, unbidden, in his mind as his hands roamed under the covers at night, something he’d done much more often since Five had averted the apocalypse and they’d all mutually agreed to stick together for an indeterminate amount of time. Diego knew  _ why  _ he was jerking off, but he never slipped his hands into his boxers purposefully  _ thinking  _ of Klaus. His mind just… went there, and he didn’t try to steer it away when it did. 

Diego didn’t think it was a sex thing, though. Well, not precisely. 

More than anything, it was the way he  _ felt  _ for him. 

He tried to edit his thoughts in his mind, but they entangled there like ink in water, impossible to separate and pull out because they kept slipping from his grasp, becoming all one compound. The memories that had existed before had marked their place in his psyche, and he re-experienced his teenaged memories over and over and over again at twenty-nine years old. 

Sometimes, it was easier if he kept himself busy, so he’d reluctantly volunteered to help Vanya. Five had raised his brows when he’d grunted out that he wanted to train her in combat. Diego barked out some snide remark to him about how it’d probably be hard to train Vanya if he thought too hard about his  _ sole confidante  _ being underneath him before Five could comment on Diego’s sudden change of heart in training her. Five had shrugged, not ashamed in the slightest, holding the signature air of confidence-to-a-point-of-condescension as he told Diego he was welcome to teach her. However, he’d quipped at the end of the conversation, ‘Just make sure not to think about  _ Klaus _ as you do.’ Diego’s heart had started pounding against his chest, but he’d already caught the tell-tale scent of oxygen in the air, indicating Five couldn’t hear him as he stuttered out lame protests. 

Once Diego knew that Five knew about his feelings for Klaus, he started wondering who else knew. Klaus never showed any indication of knowing, always just messing around when he flirted. It was his sense of humor, for sure. It would be awfully presumptuous of Diego to assume that Klaus actually  _ meant  _ it when he joked about that kind of shit. 

Still, he started to test the waters, doing so by trying to decipher if any of the others noticed his affections for Klaus first. Allison, being a chick (and not completely socially inept like Vanya), he went to first. However, her first instinct was to roll her eyes immediately after he nonchalantly asked her, “You think any of us besides you and Luther have thought about… you know?” He figured if she  _ did  _ know, she didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe it was just that she was trying to mend all the shit with her ex-husband that she didn’t want to, though. She’d told Luther earlier that year that she didn’t want to actually start a relationship until she could regularly see Claire again. 

So, he tried Vanya instead. She’d blinked at him in confusion, asking what that had to do with blocking a knife. Figuring that she could destroy the moon without much thought, he changed the subject back to their training, wishing Five hadn’t kept encouraging her to vocalize her thoughts when she was annoyed. 

Luther, of course, had no fucking idea what he was talking about when he tried to drop hints about having feelings for Klaus, but he’d also been 29 when he lost his virginity so Diego didn’t even know why he fucking bothered. 

Ben was out as Klaus would undoubtedly hear about it, being the tether Ben had to the corporeal world. 

Which, ultimately, led him to ask Five how he knew. Five had flicked his eyes up from his equations, sighing loudly before pivoting around and announcing in an expressionless, didactic tone, “You’re not exactly subtle.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Diego snapped, and Five rolled his eyes and grumbled something to himself about  _ this stupid goddamned family.  _ The condescension only seemed worse when he actually looked their age and his commentary didn’t come from a reedy, pitchy voice. 

“You know, you could just tell him,” Five said, apparently deciding that Diego wasn’t about to leave and stomping over to his bed. Despite his callous nature, Diego sometimes suspected Five actually did care to have somewhat of a relationship with all of them. It was undoubtedly the apocalypse and seeing all of their dead bodies that caused him to want that, but Diego took that and ran with it. He marched over to Five’s bed, already ranting away.

Five watched with something between disinterest, amusement, and curiosity. Eventually, he told him that he’d exhausted all of his patience for a year before adding, begrudgingly, like he expected Vanya to pop in and call him a good boy if he was nice enough to another human being, “I really do think if you told him this, he’d at least listen. And I hope it works out for you.”

Diego frowned at him. “Did you just say something moderately nice?”

“Don’t push your luck. Or I will tell Klaus everything,” Five threatened. “And your little knife-throwing trick won’t work on me when I can just blink away each time.” 

Diego  _ didn’t _ end up telling him, at least for the months that followed. It was too  _ daunting,  _ trying to vocalize something he had stuffed down to the back corners of his mind. Especially when it was to  _ Klaus,  _ who had an air of casualty to everything. Maybe if Klaus actually expressed his own insecurity, but he never did. He was infallible in that regard, and Diego envied it as much as he admired it. 

And so, each time he slipped underneath his covers, he forced himself to think of anything else. Inevitably, his thoughts would stray, and he’d let the self-loathing and confusion come right after he did. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!


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